Month: April 2025

Rumination is much discussed and debated when anxiety states or when low moods are the topics of discussion. Ruminative thoughts are mainly and overwhelmingly negative in nature and are associated with threat, fear or rejection.

Rumination has a function albeit to lull us into a false sense of security that we are doing something to deal with a problem. However the truth is that it does not lead to a positive outcome and simply re-enforces further rumination as a habit and acts as a form of an emotional ‘crutch’ on which to lean upon.

Rumination leads to a loss of self-consciousness and a loss of connection to the here and now – the present, which is essential in keeping us emotionally and physically anchored into the world around us. Yet, to the affected individual, it feels like a behaviour pattern that gives them control, however, that control leads back into the same behaviour pattern. To someone caught up in the loop of ruminations, seeing beyond them is difficult. Which means that time gets distorted and the only intrinsic reward of rumination, is simply repeatedly doing the activity.

Control

When we ruminate, we fundamentally feel that we do not have control over ourselves. The process if typically aversive and unpleasant and whilst it may feel like ‘problem-solving’, the reality is that it simply re-enforces the fears and anxieties that are associated with it. In fact, the following statement sums up anxiety that is so closely associated with ruminations.

“Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it does not get you far”. (Jody Picoult)

Rumination is also a selfish act where we simply reflect within ourselves. It is a process of looking inwards and pulling away from other people and over time this can be compounded by pulling away from the present and living in a fantasy state of disengagement.

Antidotes to Rumination

We know that rumination is intrinsically linked to anxiety states, cognitions and behaviours and therefore reducing the ‘pull’ of ruminations will have a significant knock-on effect in reducing anxiety. So what can be done?

Well, there are a number of things that act as an antidote to rumination. These include the following:

• The Acceptance of Issues – this does not mean liking what may be happening, but accepting that it will pass through time and also accepting that there are choice points, however small or large which can produce a window of hope.
• Staying in the Present and Engaging Creatively: Engaging with the here and now automatically stops the brain from going back into historical events or going forward into an unhelpful thinking pattern called ‘fortune telling’. Meanwhile, creativity follows similar patterns involved in rumination though it produces a more positive outcome. (As suggested, an individual will go through very similar stages of the preparation phase, the incubation phase, the ‘eureka moment’ and then the verification moment – stages closely associated with rumination. As suggested though, the outcome will be viewed more positively if there is a creative element to it).
• Practising Mindfulness: This is a flow state where an individual is being at one with the present moment and is therefore immersed and engaged with the present. This is a much better process to overcome rumination and one example of such an activity includes knitting.  The individual is present, aware of their surroundings and in a flow state where they are stimulated by their feelings of touch and the texture of the items that they are working with. Within such an activity, action and awareness merge together.

In summary, the more rumination takes place, the greater the feelings of anxiety and the greater the desire to slip into ruminative cycles that ultimately lead nowhere. They create firing patterns in the brain, that if prolonged, become the default go to mechanism when threat, fear or rejection are detected or even perceived. Ultimately, they remove an individual from the present and lodge them into a state of hopelessness.

There’s a quiet, aching pain many people carry—one that says, “I’m not good enough,” “I’ve failed,” or “If people really knew me, they’d walk away.” This is the voice of shame. And when it whispers long enough, anxiety isn’t far behind. The two often move together—shame feeding anxiety, and anxiety reinforcing shame, until it feels like you’re trapped in a loop of self-doubt and fear.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. So many of us live with a sense of being fundamentally flawed, often because of things we’ve experienced that were outside our control. Whether it’s childhood trauma, cultural or societal messages, or the wounds of past relationships, shame can take root in deep places. And when it does, it often shows up as anxiety: racing thoughts, overthinking, people-pleasing, panic, or the constant dread that something is about to go wrong.

Understanding the Link Between Shame and Anxiety

Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am wrong.” It’s more than just a feeling—it’s a belief about who we are. And when we believe we’re not enough or that we’re unworthy of love, our nervous system responds with anxiety. After all, if we’re flawed or broken, isn’t it only a matter of time before we’re judged, rejected, or left behind? So just behind shame, comes anxiety.

So we over-prepare. We try to be perfect. We avoid situations where we might feel exposed. We keep quiet even when we want to speak. Anxiety becomes the armour we wear to protect ourselves from the pain of shame. But the armour is heavy—and it never really keeps us safe. It just keeps us stuck and in a cycle that goes round and round.

Healing Begins with Compassion

The good news is that shame can’t survive empathy. And healing doesn’t come from fixing yourself—it comes from learning to be with yourself differently. Working through shame means turning toward the parts of you that feel broken and saying, “You are worthy. You are enough. Even here.”

I know that this is not always easy. Shame thrives in silence and secrecy. It tells us we shouldn’t talk about our feelings. That we’ll be a burden. That no one would understand. But the opposite is true—when we begin to name shame, to speak it aloud in safe and supportive spaces, its grip starts to loosen and we start to open windows within through which cleansing air can pass through.

Practical Tips for Working Through Shame and Reducing Anxiety

1. Name It Gently: When you feel anxious, pause and ask yourself: “Is there a part of me that feels ashamed?” You don’t need to fix it—just notice. Naming shame helps bring it into the light, where it loses some of its power.
2. Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love: When shame flares up, try speaking to yourself like you would to a dear friend. Would you call them a failure for making a mistake? Would you tell them they’re unlovable? Begin practicing self-talk that’s kind, warm, and accepting—even when it feels unfamiliar. Be gentle and be kind to yourself.
3. Write It Out: Journaling can be a powerful tool for releasing shame. Write to the part of you that feels afraid or unworthy. Ask what it needs. Let it speak. Over time, you may find those voices soften.
4. Find Safe Connection: Shame shrinks in the presence of compassion. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, connection is one of the most healing forces. Being seen and accepted by others helps us start to accept ourselves.
5. Practice Self-Compassion Daily: Simple things like placing a hand on your heart and saying: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of being human. May I be kind to myself in this moment,” can make a real difference. Small gestures like this can have a profound effect over time.
6. Recognise Your Triggers with Curiosity, Not Judgment” If certain situations spike your anxiety, ask yourself: “What does this moment remind me of?” Often, shame is linked to early experiences. Approaching these insights with curiosity allows for deeper healing.

By Working Through Shame, You Are Becoming Your Best Self

If you’re working through shame and anxiety, please know: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. The feelings you carry make sense. And you don’t have to carry them alone.

Healing is not a straight line. It’s messy, tender, and deeply human. But as you begin to turn toward yourself with compassion rather than criticism, something shifts. The anxiety starts to ease. The shame begins to dissolve. And in its place, you’ll find space—space to breathe, to rest, and to be.

You are worthy of that space. You are worthy of peace.

Health anxiety, sometimes called illness anxiety disorder or hypochondriasis is more than just the occasional worry about getting sick. For many, it’s a constant hum of fear in the background of daily life. Every sensation in the body becomes a potential sign of something serious. A headache feels like a brain tumour. A flutter in the chest must mean a heart condition. It can be exhausting, overwhelming, and isolating. At the core of the condition is a heightened sense of anxiety allied with a fear of not being able to cope and with catastrophic thinking always being in the background.

If this sounds familiar, please know you are not alone and more importantly, there is support available. Counselling can play a crucial role in helping you find freedom from health anxiety, not just by managing the symptoms, but by understanding and gently unravelling the root of the issue.

Understanding the Root of Health Anxiety

One of the most powerful aspects of counselling is the space it offers to explore where your anxiety stems from. Health anxiety often isn’t just about the body, it is about something deeper. For some, it can be linked to a past experience of illness, either personally or involving a loved one. For others, it might be rooted in a fear of losing control or a generalised sense of vulnerability. Exploring the past can open a window into contextualising the fears and in helping to place them within a specific time context. This can help to slowly minimise the impact of the health anxieties.

In therapy, we gently work together to identify the underlying thoughts, memories, and experiences that may be fuelling your fears. When you begin to understand where your anxiety comes from, it becomes much easier to work with it, rather than feeling like you are constantly battling it.

Learning to Calm the Nervous System

Anxiety is not just a mental experience, it affects the entire body. When we are anxious, the nervous system kicks into a ‘fight’ or ‘flight’  mode. You might notice a racing heart, shortness of breath, nausea, or even dizziness. These sensations can then reinforce the cycle of fear and especially if you are already worried about your health. Counselling with our trained therapists in Counselling4Anxiety will also provide appropriate  tools and techniques that you can use to regulate your nervous system. Using these can also provide you with a sense of empowerment.

Counselling therefore helps you break this cycle by introducing simple, effective anxiety-reducing techniques to calm the body and mind.

Breathing exercises are a great place to start. One technique we often use is box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. This rhythmic breathing helps regulate your nervous system and sends a message to your brain that you are safe.

Another technique is visualisation. Guided imagery such as imagining a safe, calming place can help shift your focus away from anxious thoughts and reduce physical symptoms of stress. Over time, visualisation becomes a powerful tool you can return to whenever anxiety flares up.

Reframing Thoughts and Building a Healthier Mindset

Health anxiety thrives on what can be called ‘what if’ thinking: What if this headache is something serious? What if the doctor missed something? What if I can’t cope if I do get ill? Underlying this is a sense of vulnerability that feels life threatening or catastrophic.

In therapy, we work on cognitive restructuring, a technique from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) that helps you identify and gently challenge these anxious thoughts. We don’t ignore them and we get curious about them. Is this thought based on evidence, or is it anxiety talking? Are there other, more balanced ways of looking at the situation? Is there evidence from your past experiences that can directly challenge the thoughts that make you anxious and which demonstrate that you can cope?

We also explore ways to nurture a more positive inner dialogue. This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about developing a more compassionate and realistic way of thinking such as, “I have felt like this before and I got through it. My body is allowed to have sensations. I don’t need to jump to the worst-case scenario.”

This inner dialogue may well be a substantive change to the inner dialogue that underlies health anxiety and which goes something along the lines of, “My heart is racing and am I having a heart attack. I know that I have a problem and will my heart stop because I felt a pain in my chest the other day”. This dialogue does nothing to support inner resilience, and in many instances is not based on fact but on fortune telling allied to catastrophic thinking.

Creating a Toolbox for Daily Life

One of the goals of counselling is to help you build a personalised toolbox of strategies to use in your daily life. Alongside breathing and visualisation techniques, we might look at:

• Grounding exercises to bring you out of your head and into the present moment
• Mindfulness practices to help you observe your thoughts without getting swept away by them
• Journaling to track patterns in your anxiety and celebrate small wins
• Lifestyle tweaks like reducing screen time or caffeine to lower baseline stress levels

These tools not only help reduce anxiety in the moment, they help you build resilience over time. So there are many ways that can open up a path of hope and progress. The first step is to make that call for help and support. We are here to support you.